Ball'em

Here's a quick look at a study that was recently published by the National Academy of Sciences. 

''Scientists conducted a study suggesting that fathers with smaller testicles have a greater likelihood of being nurturing to their children.''

So here are some ideas/techniques to find the man of your dream, the perfect father for your children. You like what you see? You think that the man of your life in standing right in front of you? Go for it and try one of these. 

The flying goat

Approach the man. Before you get in a deep conversation, scream: ''Holy s***! There's a flying goat stuck in the ceiling!'' While he's looking up, grab the nut sack. Try to feel it as much as you can. If it doesn't fit in your hand, let him go. It's time to search for another one.

The ice cream scoop

First, make sure it's not a stainless steel scoop. It could get cold and you know... Give you the wrong results. So go with a plastic scoop. Hide it very well in you purse. When it's time, hide behind his back. Take the scoop out and try to delicately stuck one nut in it. Depending on the range of your scoop, start a convo or run away.

The little helper

This one is a little bit more on the cold turkey side. Bring a kid with you, preferably a random kid that looks like a mean rugrat. Tell him that today is a special day and that when you are going to tell him, he's gonna have to pull a prank on someone.

When the time comes, ask the kiddo to pull the man's pants down. (He can run in the opposite direction after his duty.) Then, grab the testies like there's no tomorrow. Grab'em, feel'em. 

Big? Leave and cry. 
Small? Explain what just happened and try not to look stupid after what you just did.

The secret survey

Bring the guy on a date. Go to the restaurant. I know, that one is a little bit more different than the others, but just wait and see. Take some time to analyze his answers. 

Order everything that is served in a shape of a ball so you can refer to his bean pods during dinner:

- giant meatballs
- fried bocconcini 
- steamed peas
- cherry tomatoes
- falafels
- cream puffs
- scoops of gelato
- pearl onions

For every item that you order, let him know wether you think it's small or big and take a quick look between his legs. Try to read him as much as you can. See if he's embarrassed or proud.

For an example.. 

''I see that you just ordered some big balls (emphasize the words big and balls) of fried bocconcini.''

 Bite your lips and take a peek down there. If he answers something like:

''Yeah, just like mine.''

Ask for the bill. Don't waste any more time. 

Use your imagination but make sure you find out the size. The real one. 

You don't want the father of your children to watch Monday night football instead of helping them making their homework, don't you?


Free agent ladies, now you go chase some tiny balls.