C as in Carolyne

Okay. You know how embarrassed I can be when I say stupid things in frenglish. But this is on top of my list. No frenglish here friends. Just an empty head that's looking for words to say. I wish I could say I made up that story but I didn't.

Since we've lived in ''english'' cities for the past few years, we have to deal with the bank, the insurances and a few other things in english.

I always get nervous when I have to call them. Sometimes I go on the Google translator and write what I have to say, so it helps me a little bit on how not to look too stupid.

But. The one thing I really really hate is when it's time to give my address in Québec. You won't believe the things I've said. I am a 100% positive that the employee goes back home after his or her shift and tell their significant other that a women called and said weird things. 

So one time, I was speaking with a nice lady and here is how this conversation went:

- Miss Dallaire, can you give me your full address please? 

- Sure. 1234 Toupin street. 

- Okay. C like Carmen?

- No, T. 

- T like...? (That friggen question. I just wanna hang up when she asks. I never ever know what to say. Even in french, I'm so bad at that game.)

- T, like.. hmmm Tourette. 

- ...

- Tourette, you know, like in Tourette syndrome. (I'm bright red. No I didn't just say that. Come on.)

- Oookay. 

- O, like in.. (what the hell am I suppose to say here? Is there really another letter that looks like O in the alphabet? She is really waiting..) Like in... Oh my God. Again. I just tell myself that I didn't just say that. Please please please. U like in Under, P like in ... (I'm pretty sure that more than 50% of the people who has to find a word for P thinks about penis. Well, that's what I always have in mind.) P like in... pea. (Darn! Not pea like peeing. Pea like pea in the pod)

- Teas? 

- No, peas. Pea in the pod. 

- Okay.

- I, like I. ( No need to find a word for that, I'm getting sick of that game.) And finally, N. N, like number. 

- Thanks miss Dallaire. What's the city? 

- Are you F****** kidding me? L'Assomption. 

- Can you spell that for me miss Dallaire? 

I won't make you go through this here but please note I said Sponge Bob twice for the S. It's a shame. A real shame. I don't wanna talk to these people again. They think I'm crazy, that's for sure. 

But, we say that we learn from our own mistakes and that's what happened. Now, I always carry my small piece of paper that pretty much looks like this:

T- Thomas

O- Orlando

U- Uma (Thurman)

P- Peter

I- Isabella

N- Nicole

I noticed that they always say names when they spell things so I thought I could do the same. I'm sure they have a sheet with all the letters of the alphabet and names beside them. 

My latest fail mistake in english was saturday. I was driving with a friend and I was talking about Damien being so nice in the car. When I was done, I said touch wood. So my friend said: what? And I said: touch wood, again (you know, when you don't want to jinx yourself). And she said: ooooh!!! Knock on wood. Ooopsy.

Thanks Katie. Now I know how to use that expression properly.